I am living with a former roommate and his once "little" boy. Today, I took this 12 year old out to lunch and to the laundromat. He's a really strange little man, shares some of the high points of MY sense of humor and to be honest I kinda like the kid, besides being a filthy, vile 12 year old male, of course. He brought his own laundry this time. He did it all by himself, from wash to fold. His father spends zero time with him, he won't even try to get to know the kid. It's HIS loss too, because the child is fun, smart, goofy, and creative. He is artistic and he can sing like no 12 year old I've ever heard.
Paranoid and neurotic, one of those "doomsday prepper", conspiracy theorists, the father almost never leaves his room unless he's gone to work. He is so on edge all the time, enraged at the world, afraid "they" are coming to take his guns, "ready" to defend his rights, angry that he doesn't have a wife, humiliated and embarrassed that his son doesn't know how to do pre-teen boy things like use tools and operate a lawn mower.
Can someone please tell me how a young boy learns how to use tools or operate lawnmowers? I must be stupid, I don't understand this skill developing with hand-eye coordination during some early pubescent osmosis, I thought these things were taught to a son by his father. In this house, I am the one who puts snow blowers together and changes tires and jump starts the cars... All of these things were taught to (this girl) by a father and a few ex-boyfriends who were taught by their fathers or father figures. Is it MY responsibility to teach the boy how to do these things now as well? Does it matter to me one bit whether the kid ever learns this stuff? Yeah, it matters, and if the kid doesn't learn, I get stuck doing it anyway...
I work all week, I try to make some sort of social life for myself, I spend time with the boy and teach him some sort of a life skill. He's learning to cook, he's really pretty good at it and he loves to do it, however... cleaning isn't his favorite part ;) No biggie, he's growing up a little more every day and he's learning about living among diverse groups and how to respect others in his community. He's interacting more with cashiers, waitresses, and service workers. His father teaches him how to hate, how to be rude, and how to be angry. The kid really isn't interested in the racism, rhetoric, or propaganda that his father pulls off the internet and preaches to him. He enjoys the time he spends with his friends, at school, and with me. He's increasingly disgusted with his father, saying heartbreaking things, he cannot please him no matter what he does, he's really reluctant to continue to try.
He's not my son, he calls me Mom, he hugs me when I come home at night. He tells me all about his day and wants to hang out with me until he goes to bed. I don't want to hurt this kid, I won't tell him what I think of his father's decisions or thought processes. I can't be the person he bad mouths his own father to, I can't be the one he runs to when he's decided not to listen to him anymore. I am not willing or able to be that person. I need this time to be productive time for me to pull my head out of my ass and support myself better, not take care of everybody else. Why's it got to be so fucking painful? I am overwhelmed with the guilt of having not played this role in my own child's life, and now I am in this situation where another child of no relation is crying out to me for guidance. I can't NOT do anything.
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