Still... Not a Butterfly!

I'm learning that old, tired phrase, "midlife crisis" is a very real thing. Of course, it doesn't have to be a "crisis", should we learn to embrace it... 

I need to imagine myself going through a complete, biological metamorphosis from which I will emerge as my best self. Humans, after all, like all living organisms, go through many transformations throughout life. Some more noticeable than others, all are necessary, and all serve a greater purpose, none however begin or end when we think, say, or suggest they "should".

Things we previously enjoyed, we now find no interest in, things we did not appreciate in the past, we may see from a new perspective and are drawn to today. These changes may be permanent or just temporary, at this point, it matters not. What's important is that are evolving, growing, learning, absorbing and adapting for the next chapter of our lives. 

Others may not receive us well, they can't always be consciously aware of what we are struggling with. Explaining it just freaks most people out. We aren't generally conscious of the personal struggles of others and if everyone just blubbered all over us about theirs, we'd want even less to do with all of it!

Day to day interactions are often uncomfortable for us, we don't feel like ourselves... This shit is as awkward like puberty and embracing the changes can be as terrifying as being forced down the birth canal and facing life for the first time all over again. Regardless of what we think we know, we are headed into a realm of the less familiar, in many cases, the unknown.

There are a few things I feel we can do to alleviate the emotional toll of this terra incognita:

• Listen to your Inner Monologue.

The way we speak to ourselves, about ourselves... Don't DO anything, just listen and identify whether it is kind and honest providing the necessary peace of mind to move forward, or is it harsh and hurtful which might suggest there's likely something preventing us from taking the next step forward.

• Reflect on the Past Free of Judgement.

Ask yourself what you've learned from such memorable mistakes, have you paid your debt or penance for these actions? At the end of the day, allow time for a system of "checks and balances" based on how you feel about your day, your behavior, yourself as a person and what you'd like to do differently or better in the event you are graced with another day on the green side of the grass. 

• Forgive Yourself!

We call all embrace the lesson(s) and put our knowledge into action moving forward, clean our sides of the street accordingly, and finally... cut the emotional cord!
I've caught myself saying horrible things out loud in the shower, actually talking to myself in a cruel and with  angry about mistakes, embarrassing moments,
You may be a fantastic human, but all humans make mistakes... 

Who keeps a photo album illustrating all of the days/weeks/months/years they spent self-loathing? Why carry it around with you for the rest of your days?

• Have Gratitude.

Although things can be overwhelming and we may feel as though everything in life is so much worse than ever...
Think positive, they say... I'm usually positive things couldn't be worse, until they actually get worse!
So today, I try not to focus on the fact that I don't have enough money to book my next vacation. Instead I create realistic, achievable goals for myself, a reasonable time frame, and a plan of action. In the meantime, I think about the number of things I do have, I can do, etc. Gratitude helps get me out of my head, out of the shit, and onto more productive ways of utilizing my time.

If you feel as though you can't find anything to be grateful for, consider everything you have and CAN have, everything you see or simply the fact that you can see. Be grateful for those you care about and those who care about you, for the breath in your lungs, the beat in your heart, for your gifts or abilities, even the smallest of personal triumphs, another day filled with opportunities, or even for clean underwear. Being grateful just feels immensely better!

Words and phrases can easily become pitfalls! It can be very difficult to get out of a negative mindset once we submerge ourselves in one. Our expectations may set us up for disappointment, frustration, and a tremendous loss of hope.

I've found myself telling everyone else what their job is, how to do it properly, and sputtering on about all of what's wrong with the world and what I believe "should" be. Should is a word I try to avoid today, and in my head, I've begun to replace it with, "Not my circus, not my monkey"... If it is not my job to fix (__fill in the blank__), I need to accept it, and if I can influence it, but have spoken up once about it, I have no need to beat a dead horse. I can change myself, and only myself which is hard enough with everything I have invested in me... Why would I even want to try to work on someone else?

The bottom line for me is this; if I feel as though I need to change the behavior of everyone I encounter, the issue is not everyone, the issue is me. Acceptance of the way things are versus the way I wish them to be is the single most difficult bridge I've ever had to cross, and yet somehow, I have repeatedly found myself back on the wrong side of it!!

Ohhhhh yes. I am... very much human, I do try so very hard to 'morph, but STILL... I'm not a Butterfly!