I have always felt alone and helpless.
Since I was 7, when my mother watched me press a butcher knife against my own throat. Her reaction was not to help her child, but to hide the truth from the rest of the world. This would ultimately fill me with shame, far too young to understand.
I never felt like I fit in where I grew up.
I wasn't white, I wasn't black... I was mixed
I didn't have straight hair, I didn't have curly hair... I had frizzy hair.
My mother appeared to be ashamed of her heritage. UNLESS of course there was a way she might benefit, as with her career.
I grew up with no culture or education of my ethnicity.
I was raised in a small WHITE, Massachusetts town.
Today, I don't fit in with the people most like me, they don't understand me, they seem to know more than I do, my ignorance embarrasses me and causes me shame.
I don't know who I am supposed to be and I don't feel like I am worthy of love.
I guess I just feel like I don't have a beginning or a foundation... and I know that nothing without a foundation lasts for long.
I get sad when all the baby sea turtles don't make it to the water. Why would any god create something so cute to kill it?
Sadly, it's simpler than that. Nature is a lifecycle. Flowers are beautiful but don't live in full bloom forever, even when we leave them alone.
Simplicity is found within the complexities of Nature... bigger than man and his trivial matters.
The natural order of things... the food chain.
A natural selection, there is no hierarchy, there are no labels. There are no obese birds or fish that ate too many baby turtles and can't get off their asses. They are able to follow their instinctual path for one very simple reason:
They don't have a choice.
When a baby sea turtle hatches, it does not have a choice of whether it wants the Armani shell or an iPhone 6, or Jordan's or an XBOX. The baby turtle's mother does not have anxiety about how cool her baby looks while he's fighting to survive the first day of his life.
No baby sea turtle has a better chance than another to survive. There are no rich turtles or royal turtle families or turtle cop's kids that get a better opportunity. There are no turtle addicts, no turtle dealers, no turtle therapists or turtle divorce courts, no single turtle moms working 3 jobs, no alcoholic workaholic dads, no manic sea turtles taunting death and behaving erratically. There are no turtle family funerals or creepy uncles or dysfunctional holiday dinners...
From their very first breath, all of the baby sea turtles get the same instinctual road map it says, "Get out of this eggshell and get to the water as fast as you can... go go go go!"
The adventures that turtle experiences are ruled by the laws and balance of nature.
Man is so egotistical, part of nature's life cycle... our arrogance has allowed us to create our own afflictions.
One man had some loud opinions... some agreed, some fought against him, and the rest of us silently succumb to inner feelings of inadequacy.
Only a pimp or a bully instinctively know how to exploit & turn us out.
That's Government and Big Pharma.
The sea turtle has a stressful mission from birth and a very low survival rate. Not to mention, they probably have more Universal significance than man, yet the sea turtle lives free of emotional hang ups.
Live life like the sea turtle.
Perpetually a work in progress, I have all the typical 'child of the 70's', daddy issues, along with some extraordinarily hateful resentments toward mommy...