Lifecycle of a Psychopath:

I remember when it was fuzzy. My imagination was formidable, my thoughts were dark, but never graphic. 

Later, as my mind began to develop, I began to realize pictures were developing as well. Incomplete and scattered, there was definitely something there. Difficult to distinguish, as though a child had been given the camera; out of focus, subject matter seemed to be cut off, perhaps viewed from awkward angles. 

My mind seems to have collected them for several years and one day haphazardly dumped them out all around me like a pile of puzzle pieces onto a mosaic floor.

Anxiety ensued, my perpetual state of bewilderment would commence.

Day after day, I spent overwhelmed; knowing I have to DO this life thing AND solve this puzzle. Alienated knowing that if I spoke of the puzzle I was certain to be cast out.

Over time it became part of my routine, sometimes there were days and weeks where I'd find myself sucked into the puzzle, especially once I learned to bring the like pieces to the table and group them to fit together. Now there are hundreds of thousands of small pictures, and still some fragments which are not complete. The big picture is nowhere near identifiable, though in some cases I am able to make out what the snapshots were of... Darker, thoughts; not unlike crime scene photos.

These photos get placed into a file and I return to the floor and bring more pieces to the table. It feels right, like I need to get it together, to organize these thoughts.

A metamorphosis occurred, or maybe I've simply unlocked the next stage in deciphering the enigma that is me. Whether I choose to actively participate or walk away from it, the transformations continue.

Those images in my head which were filed away are coming together on their own, they are evolving... I can start to see moving pictures, like a flip book. With that, a plot is beginning to emerge; sounds and aromas are entering into the background. I can't figure out if my senses are fueling my imagination or my mind is fueling my senses. 

I fear what is to come when the movie is complete, wondering if it will ever be complete. Feeling driven that I must see it through to the bitter end. Perhaps what I fear is to become the panacea for all of my woes.

Despicable and inhuman

The human race is a cunning civilization, while presenting as kind and gentle, not all are as we seem. Of course we know that obvious good and evil exists. However there are some members of this race that are despicable and inhuman, even cancerous to our very society. Upon first glance, and even during a longer, in depth examination, they appear no different from the rest of us. If you try to speak with them, nothing seems unusual or raises any concern. In fact, regardless of the conversation, you will get whatever it is you need to hear from them. Behind the facade, what you don't see out in the open, is that these monsters are everywhere. They are simply not uncommon, never questioned, never seeming the least bit out of place, as though they've been camouflaged into the backdrop of life. Yet secretly, and silently, they are running rampant through all of our lifestyles, habitats, and environments. Feeding their insatiable appetites as a parasite would on any trace of healthy existence. Appearing so much like the rest of us, we never suspect the source of such devastation could be living among us, contributing to our communities, teaching our children, serving our family dinner, even sleeping beside us. Yet they are, and without our knowledge, they are exposing and exploiting every weakness possible. They are gaining immense strength over us all and all that we have and we take for granted. The fierce determination of these insidious creatures to deplete us of all resources is as if there were profit to be made from the pain, suffering, or even death, of their own kind.