Despicable and inhuman

The human race is a cunning civilization, while presenting as kind and gentle, not all are as we seem. Of course we know that obvious good and evil exists. However there are some members of this race that are despicable and inhuman, even cancerous to our very society. Upon first glance, and even during a longer, in depth examination, they appear no different from the rest of us. If you try to speak with them, nothing seems unusual or raises any concern. In fact, regardless of the conversation, you will get whatever it is you need to hear from them. Behind the facade, what you don't see out in the open, is that these monsters are everywhere. They are simply not uncommon, never questioned, never seeming the least bit out of place, as though they've been camouflaged into the backdrop of life. Yet secretly, and silently, they are running rampant through all of our lifestyles, habitats, and environments. Feeding their insatiable appetites as a parasite would on any trace of healthy existence. Appearing so much like the rest of us, we never suspect the source of such devastation could be living among us, contributing to our communities, teaching our children, serving our family dinner, even sleeping beside us. Yet they are, and without our knowledge, they are exposing and exploiting every weakness possible. They are gaining immense strength over us all and all that we have and we take for granted. The fierce determination of these insidious creatures to deplete us of all resources is as if there were profit to be made from the pain, suffering, or even death, of their own kind.

Laundry Blog 5/7/2013

After spending about 45 minutes on the phone with parental unit, I've been reminded how my entire life has been a redundant cycle of riding my mental illness off the track, feeding my countless addictions, and all of my extremely poor choices that might accompany as a result. Whenever there was upheaval in my house, it was generally because of me.

Astoundingly enough, I am ...overwrought with anxiety after simply hearing about the MASSIVE amount of DRAMA, and CHAOS, and DISORDER, DISTRESS, and DIS-EASE that goes on in that family without me playing an active role. I am mind-boggled at how the cycle of shit storms and chronic chaos has remained in the places I've taken conscious measures to remove myself from. At the same time, I reflect back on my life [between sporadic contact] in honest appraisal, as I know I am not without my fair share. My initial take on the matter: I'm going to be OK, so long as I continue to stay away.

Carefully, with an open mind and a mirror to prevent me from lying to myself, I recall the last 5 conversations that I've had with family, ALL of which have been initiated by me, and I see that the contrast of chaos vs. serenity seems to align with the separation of that whole them vs. me feeling I've always had. Ironically, I don't feel as though they are sick and I am well, I feel more like they pointed the finger at me, while having three of their own fingers pointing right back at themselves, and how true these things can be... I got tired of being sick and being to blame for all the shit, I took a stand and some strategically planted advice, and well...

I've come a long way, there is no cap on my potential to do better, I feel good about this. As for the they, or them...? I can report with confidence in my perception that they are unknowingly, blindly, and with reckless abandon, are reliving the same horrific, sordid, and twisted tale of victims helping victims over and over and over again, like a half hearted attempt at another remake of the same crappy movie, same plot, new cast of characters, same empty feeling at the end of each deplorable remake.

I have learned to reduce the level of all that noise in my life, I've also learned how to diffuse it when it becomes too much for me to deal with... I have not mastered or perfected either skill, as ALL who know me will surely testify.

I am not sure what this all means with regard to my own sanity, or lack thereof... However I am about as sure as I could possibly be that I've begun to transform into a person I am happy to be, and have been riding a more stable, modern day, roller coaster... My darkest days of late have shone incredibly brighter than the grey existence of my former days. Being mindful of my pseudo-cavalier approach to life, with a little help prioritizing the things that actually DO matter, I might have half a chance at brief moments of contentment and peace... My Conclusion: Knowing the depths of ones own insanity is like being aware of shark infested waters. I find gratitude in having the sense to proceed with caution.

Bedtime Stories and Birth Control: Where Do Babies Come From?

Prince Charming was a closeted homosexual bitch-boy which clearly explains why his hair was so perfect and he always rode a stallion. "Happily Ever After" referred to his safe existence, after the Princess pulled him up out of the moat after the King's men ran a train on his ass and beat the ever living shit out of him for being such a fucking queen. Shortly after Prince and Princess move in together, there was some strange accidental chemical reaction between two cells and a parasitic infection occurs inside of the Princess. 

This growing parasite thrives on it's new host, controlling everything from body temperature to mood swings, appetite, sex drive, nipple tenderness... It grows and depletes all of the natural supply of vitamins, minerals, emotional stability, shape, and memory of the suffering princess. 

Eventually the parasite becomes too large for the host and must be expelled by any means necessary, it seems biologically driven in the direction of the door that it's foreign, paternal cell used to enter. The Princess suffers through an excruciating event, for which drugs may be introduced, and not a moment too soon. Large doses of opiates and sedatives are just the perfect combination of pharmacology to create a bond between this now external parasite and it's hosts, for it is not cute, it is all wrinkly and yellow, an under-developed, barely human, fish-faced, dependent organism. It does NOT smell good, at first it may smell like bad food, fermented amniotic fluid, afterbirth, blood, and over-worked pussy, then they get cleaned up and some asshole brings it back to you smelling like Ivory Snow and Baby Wash. 

Soon after you bring it home, it reeks of cradle cap and spit up sour milk, then real vomit and straight up shit, the drugs have worn off and you can throw any sign of cuteness out the fucking window, believe me, you are about to! Your delusion of being a princess has disappeared! 

Just before you feed it to the neighbors dog, this dependent creature begins to make these alien cooing sounds, while staring all crooked at you. One eye closed, tongue over to the side of their drooling pucker, oh how cute, you are in love all over again.

NO, moron, that's not a smile, the little shit machine is working on a record, filling its diaper and trying to make shit smear straight up his back and out the top of the Onesie and the adorable little Baby Gap outfit that you just spent 60 bucks on. 

You won't sleep or get a hot meal for years, the common cold seems to linger longer than average in your home, you sanitize and wash everything until you don't give a fuck if the thing eats a dead rat. You stop wiping snot from it's ever running nose, you stop replacing the batteries in the baby monitor, you stop checking it's mouth for small marbles or lego's, you left those in on the floor deliberately, you are secretly trying to kill the fucking thing, it's sucking the life out of you and it's no longer even on the inside. What the fuck have you done?!?!

The parasite is dependent on it's host for many years to come, food, lots of food, clothing, lots of clothing and SHOES, braces, and CASH, car keys and college, bridal shower, wedding, new home, baby shower, there you go rinse & repeat... it's a horrific nasty cycle for which you spend decades wanting to drown Charming in the moat you pulled him out of, if of course, he hasn't left you for your younger wicked step sister, or the much older and wiser, fairy god-mother. 

Now you are an alcoholic, single mom, with a distended, stretch marked gut, wrinkles, yellow teeth, smokers lung, thinning grey hair, a wardrobe which has gone in and out of style 4 times since you purchased it, and it's barely covering your belly, let alone the once perky tits that sag beneath your belt line. What a catch, you go girl!