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All I can be is just me... Here I am for all to see, love me or leave me alone.

Faith Based on YOU



Faith is not something that need be proven.
One either has faith, or does not.
No Faith is ever wrong; all Faith is equal.
Where you place your Faith is your business.
No human can strip you of your Faith.
Faith judges not, Faith hates not; Faith declares no war.
Faith is not religion, Faith knows no bounds.
Faith is Hope, Faith is Love; Faith is Grace and Dignity.


At times we are overwhelmed; we may not see a way out. Faith is what allows us to let go of the excess weight of these burdens and accept that whatever comes next is a necessary part of our journey.

Faith allows us to brush ourselves off and take the next step. Our enlightenment shows in the way that we carry ourselves through and out of life’s difficult days, the way that we reflect back on our struggles and what we learn about ourselves from the process.

Enlightenment can last for moments but no award or trophy can be displayed, it takes action to maintain. It is seen by others as spiritual growth, positive light, and serenity. I see it as a power of example.

Above My Pay Grade



Most of my life, I have been told to “let it go” or to “practice acceptance”. Some things are just the way they are; I ‘can’t fix it, change it or influence it’. I’m wasting time and energy on things outside of my control. (Yes, you probably did utter one of these phrases to me at least once before).

This may very well be true; however, I’m not comfortable throwing my hands in the air and going the opposite way of my own moral compass.

It has been sanctioned, “a win is a win”, and “passing is not failing”, but the facts remain, an A is still better than a D. We continue to underachieve to a point that somehow, “fuck it, good enough” has become the common goal that we set for ourselves to reach.

I can’t see hating someone I never met, believing in something I haven’t witnessed, or selling something I haven’t tried, but that’s my choice. I’m not suggesting anyone follow my lead. Perhaps knowing our own limits is half the battle. How low are you willing to go? Be honest with yourself when answering the following:
  1. Do you have standards or will you settle for anything that works in the moment?
  2. Do you encourage yourself to learn new things or would you rather get told about things from someone else’s angle?
  3. Do you read about current events, foreign relations, international news, or science from reputable sources, or do you just skim over headlines in social media before you react?


I’ve found many people are exhausted, they don’t know what to believe or which way to turn, who to believe. Opposed to the idea of trust, people are emotionally drained… subjugated, too tired to read or even to think. This struggle is real; we are intellectually, beat-down… Life is spinning in so many directions at once, we can’t stand still and when we try to catch up, we fall down. 

When we open our eyes, our real is so overwhelmingly surreal; our industrious minds are struggling to conceptualize the time passed, as we often feel its impact in miles per hour.

It just doesn’t make sense. Such a defiant society it is; doing the exact opposite of what we were taught. We strive to have no responsibility, but yearn to feel needed. We want to be credited and compensated for a positive outcome, but claim zero accountability for our behaviors’ negative effects. We compare ourselves to [what little we know, but think we see in] others. Still, with the fiercest entitlement, we expect that we can gain something great for doing absolutely nothing good.

The harsh reality is that we can’t have it both ways. We certainly aren’t doing America any favors by paraphrasing a catchy social media headline, taking the pulpit, and spewing forth our misguided opinions. If we wish to have information fed to us, we need to demand the information come from all sides. If we aren’t interested in hearing or seeing the information from other sides, we need to learn to have no opinion and practice some restraint, because without those facts, we have exactly nothing to offer.


This foolishness has been proved to be above much of the nation’s pay-grade, and clearly a job for the President. 

Didn't Get the Memo

I woke up one morning and realized the bar had been lowered. Mediocrity was the new standard we were setting for ourselves.

I later moved to Florida.

They had raised the bar.
... just high enough to trip over.

It can't be real, I'm stuck in a parallel universe... right?!?

How the @%!# did I get here?

I wanna go home!
... to a time and place that didn't include seeing the faces of Donald Trump or Hillary Clinton day after day.

I've been in mental hospitals with less depravity than this!

Get me outta here!

If I Should Die Before I Wake

Things to know about me.

I have always felt alone and helpless.
Since I was 7, when my mother watched me press a butcher knife against my own throat. Her reaction was not to help her child, but to hide the truth from the rest of the world. This would ultimately fill me with shame, far too young to understand.

I never felt like I fit in where I grew up.
I wasn't white, I wasn't black... I was mixed
I didn't have straight hair, I didn't have curly hair... I had frizzy hair.

My mother appeared to be ashamed of her heritage. UNLESS of course there was a way she might benefit, as with her career.

I grew up with no culture or education of my ethnicity.

I was raised in a small WHITE, Massachusetts town.

Today, I don't fit in with the people most like me, they don't understand me, they seem to know more than I do, my ignorance embarrasses me and causes me shame.

I don't know who I am supposed to be and I don't feel like I am worthy of love.

I guess I just feel like I don't have a beginning or a foundation... and I know that nothing without a foundation lasts for long.

Contemptuous Maternal Wrath

Your socio-biological theory was put to the test when you took hostage a vulnerable, confused, angry, abused, broken, young man and combined his DNA with that of your own. A calculated, sociopath; a shrewd and corrupt businesswoman, one who did whatever it would take to be elevated up Ma Bell’s corporate ladder in some delusional journey to Telecom Utopia.
Victor Frankenstein himself would tip his hat at your handy work. As the result would bear a broken, angry and confused little girl. Your rejection allowed her to feel alienated, unloved, and completely alone within her family. That little girl was exiled to room and inevitably deep into her own susceptible mind. 

The truth was revealed just a spoonful at a time. It is still too much to digest. However you simply weren’t willing to struggle as hard as other black women would. You had a brilliant thought; your execution was prodigal and rapacious. You surrounded yourself with only white people, you married a white man 10 years your junior after putting him through school and molding him to your desired image, you delivered a child who was half white and moved to an all white town. It was good for you, it looked good for your career and for your façade. You lightened your skin with make up, you spent no time in the sun, you spent as many hours away from home fixated on your career and the character you portrayed to the public. 

Your husband sought affection elsewhere, as did your daughter. Sex and drugs came long before puberty.

When you reached the point of realization that there was no one left to be further baffled by your bullshit at work, you made the lateral jump into the Catholic Church where you continued your performance, now as a modern day working class Mother Theresa… 
The hard-working breadwinner of the family, the mother of the lost child, the unsuspecting wife of the cheating scoundrel. 
You gained their trust, you formed a band of supporters, continued working at a reduced schedule of just 60 hours per week and suddenly your daughter and husband would be subject to the judgement and scrutiny of your newfound loyal fanbase, their community. 
This was too easy. You merely planted the seeds and let the small town church folk do the rest of the work for you. You could see the light so far off in the distance, and to you it was the ultimate win/win. 
Final stop: HEAVEN.
...
I've learned how the mentally ill believe the lies they tell themselves, but isn't that true of all human kind? 
Do you deserve a convenient excuse for your calculated and sociopathic behavior? Should it be written off as such? 

You were embarrassed by your own scion and ashamed of your roots. You found it better to cast out the child than to expose the darkness inside of the mother. 
Without knowledge of family history, ethnic culture, or even basic life skills, I would inevitably find myself young and vulnerable, much like the condition you met my father in, but with a child of my own in tow. 
Unbeknownst to me you had been dutifully preparing for this day. I was without resources,  I was scared and despondent, I had no choice but to capitulate. Desperate and depraved, I had somehow fallen into your debt... 

You took my daughter, turned her against me and closed the book; paid in full.

I assumed the darkness from you; and the debris of shattered emotions from my father. Gratefully, I inherited his empathy and analytical process. Of course, I always knew that I had failed you, I was truly nothing like you. I emit selflessness and love, you are pure poison. To your credit, I do have the ability to be devious and cunning, but to my father's credit, I have a conscience. The idea of hurting people the way you do turns to acid and burns deep into my heart. When I think about who my mother is, I feel vile and inhuman unworthy of any conventional solace.

Except for when I think of seeing you just one last time.

I become physically high on my mind’s preview:

I'm standing over you; my hand slowly tightens around your throat. I'm watching longingly for the light go out from your eyes.
Good bye once and for all; you pestilent, old wretch... good bye.

Ode to the Sea Turtle

I get sad when all the baby sea turtles don't make it to the water. Why would any god create something so cute to kill it? 
Sadly, it's simpler than that. Nature is a lifecycle.  Flowers are beautiful but don't live in full bloom forever, even when we leave them alone.

Simplicity is found within the complexities of Nature... bigger than man and his trivial matters.

The natural order of things... the food chain. 
A natural selection, there is no hierarchy, there are no labels. There are no obese birds or fish that ate too many baby turtles and can't get off their asses. They are able to follow their instinctual path for one very simple reason:

They don't have a choice.

When a baby sea turtle hatches, it does not have a choice of whether it wants the Armani shell or an iPhone 6, or Jordan's or an XBOX. The baby turtle's mother does not have anxiety about how cool her baby looks while he's fighting to survive the first day of his life.

No baby sea turtle has a better chance than another to survive. There are no rich turtles or royal turtle families or turtle cop's kids that get a better opportunity. There are no turtle addicts, no turtle dealers, no turtle therapists or turtle divorce courts, no single turtle moms working 3 jobs, no alcoholic workaholic dads, no manic sea turtles taunting death and behaving erratically. There are no turtle family funerals or creepy uncles or dysfunctional holiday dinners...
From their very first breath, all of the baby sea turtles get the same instinctual road map it says, "Get out of this eggshell and get to the water as fast as you can... go go go go!"

The adventures that turtle experiences are ruled by the laws and balance of nature.

Man is so egotistical,  part of nature's life cycle... our arrogance has allowed us to create our own afflictions.

One man had some loud opinions... some agreed,  some fought against him,  and the rest of us silently succumb to inner feelings of inadequacy.
Only a pimp or a bully instinctively know how to exploit & turn us out.
That's Government and Big Pharma.

The sea turtle has a stressful mission from birth and a very low survival rate.  Not to mention, they probably have more Universal significance than man, yet the sea turtle lives free of emotional hang ups.

Live life like the sea turtle.

Naturally.

Dirty Laundry Blog: 7/14/2015 PANIC AND DOOM


What happens to people when nothing is valued or earned? When everything becomes materialistic and disposable? How do we convey the satisfaction of working toward something to entitled children who only demand more?

What about when we aren't perfect, when we're tired, when we've worked our fingers to the bone for 30 plus years and don't have a damn thing to show for it? We've lost it all once, twice, or so many times we can't remember... but we're still drawing a breath so we ought to be grateful?

What do we do when we can go no further? When every fiber of our being screams for us to stop? When we can't endure another rant, whimper, vent, whine, bitch, moan, grown, tantrum, crisis or teardrop? When we realize nobody is interested in listening to our shit? When we wake up to the reality that it's everyone for themselves, and we've given everything we had so freely?

What do we have when we learn that love is a lie? When our self esteem is mutilated by the toxic bastards who gave us life? When we treat our partners like hostages? When we trade secrets on how to take without giving? When we pride ourselves on coming out on top and it means leaving another human being face down in our wake?

What does it mean when we cry for no reason? When we find pleasure in unpleasant thoughts? When we just can't do the every day tasks that we're supposed to do? When routine becomes such a fucking grueling chore that we would rather jump off a building and call it a day?

What do we do as people whose employers keep demanding more and we've got nothing left to give? When our souls are bought and sold and traded on the open market for their profit? When physical labor and skilled trades were once the bedrock of our civilization, now looked down upon like peasantry from the eyes of a prince?

What do we do when we've been to hell and back during life? When we've made amends and apologies? When we've learned to forgive and to live better and to lead others by positive example? When we can barely hold onto what little hope we have left? When our own simple ideology has no place in the prison-like world we've been sentenced to? When our recipe for happiness is ruined by the vile mephitis of decay? When we force ourselves to deny what we know in our hearts is true?

The grim fact that a foul stench is all that remains of a culture's morality.

What the fuck do we do?