Didn't Get the Memo

I woke up one morning and realized the bar had been lowered. Mediocrity was the new standard we were setting for ourselves.

I later moved to Florida.

They had raised the bar.
... just high enough to trip over.

It can't be real, I'm stuck in a parallel universe... right?!?

How the @%!# did I get here?

I wanna go home!
... to a time and place that didn't include seeing the faces of Donald Trump or Hillary Clinton day after day.

I've been in mental hospitals with less depravity than this!

Get me outta here!

Sheep... and Easy

I will save you, come on over here. Just listen to me, and do as I say. Don't listen to them, don't trust them, they are evil, trust me. I am good, I am going to help you, I will save you. They only want to hurt you, run to me, hurry, I will keep you safe, they are trying to destroy you, I will fight for you, I will put an end to your pain, I understand you, I will take care of you, I will love you, we are family now, look at me, I would never hurt you, I am going to make it alright, don't ask why, just do what I am telling you, and you will be happy, you will be healthy, you will be better off, this is the better life, the better choice, the better way, they best way.

Sound familiar? Of course it does, it's been going on since the beginning of time. These are words which are just as likely to come from a cult leader to a new prospect, as a Catholic steering a  child away from Protestants, or a Christian speaking ill of Muslims, Democrats vs, Republicans, Whites vs. Blacks, Ford vs, Chevy, Pepsi vs Coke, Colleges battling for high school aged athletic phenoms, or any other combination of opposing or competitive forces. What used to be viewed as a healthy or natural rivalry seems to have been replaced with blatant lies, rhetoric, and pure hate.

In fact the older I get, the more it appears a deliberate campaign against each social group, religious organization, sports team, political party, and the like... one needless and exhausting conflict after the other. It seems like coexisting, living in unity and harmony with one another are against somebody else's game plan. It's simple to see how we can be led down a rabbit hole.

Both psychology and history both state and illustrate very clearly, that if you can focus in on specific pain points, you can sell anything to any audience. Having that information, in conjunction with bearing witness to the exponential growth of fanatical tendencies in human beings, I can see how easy it would be to infiltrate a weak mind. There are so many to choose from. I will take you for instance, and like a wild animal stalks it's prey, I follow you around secretly, and study your behavior, your patterns, and your thought processes. 

As a good salesperson, I know how important it is that you identify with whatever pain point I create for you. I develop the perfect plan of attack, one that will turn you in the precise direction that I need you to be facing. I befriend you by making you and your best interests the main topic of conversation. I hone in on very specific truths that I discovered about you, that you don't know I already know about you, I slowly mesh these facts into the strike that rattles all the right nerves grab your attention, and blow your mind. 

For instance, let's just say for one example, that I discover that you are secretly afraid of black people. In my first approach, I make some small talk, and at the perfect moment, say something like, "Man, do you ever feel like these people just want to take over our world?" You agree, and I will go on to point out despicable cultural differences between you and the absolute worst example of a person of ANY race that I can use. This is not hard for anyone to do, these are statements which you would never bother to research or question. I might even tell you, "It's true, I swear, look it up!" This works because your fear of black people is fed by your imagination of the unknown my words just touch upon the little things that you have been subliminally taught with regard to hate. So your mind is already on overdrive and your feelings are being validated by me, your new pal. Even though everything I am telling you is complete and utter bullshit. I am sure that you are too lazy to look it up, and you definitely aren't going to run up to a black person and ask, as you're terrified that they will put a spell on you or some shit. 

So before you know it, I have you believing that all of the famous black rappers are Satanic Cult members and they speak to one another publicly, like terrorists, in secret Satanic language through television interviews and music videos. It doesn't matter how ludicrous the statement, if it goes AGAINST the person or people you feel threatened by, you feel as though you have an ally now. I tell you things like, "I was JUST LIKE YOU, and I learned about this, and now I can help you, too", That's the hook, you feel validated, you finally have a connection with someone who understood. I can say "Don't allow yourself to become a dumb sheep, following all the other sheep straight to the slaughter house". You feel empowered, U basically re-word the things you have already verified for me, I say things like "Did you ever feel scared or uncomfortable around these people when you were alone?" Of course you say yes, and now I have exposed your tender little underbelly. "It was because deep down inside you knew that they wanted to kill you. Don't you watch the news? These people are savages, all they do is kill and steal". You are now validated completely, and I go on to re-identify myself, "I was just like you, I felt the exact same way, and that's why we understand each other so much, we are alike". Don't don't listen to anyone else, their mixed messages will just confuse you, you are beginning to awaken to a reality that you have always felt was there, but it is a lot to absorb, it goes against everything you have ever been taught, this is the time for you to stay close, until you become strong enough to fight".

I've had the upper hand all along, I targeted you because you were depressed and lazy, abusive and angry, frustrated and vulnerable. It's not your fault, those are just the easiest ones to turn. It was because I struck the right nerve, you found trust in me. You soon begin to do everything I suggest. Simply because in your mind, it goes against the people who you fear most. You turn your attention completely away from the rest of the world, you hang on my every word, you are oblivious of the fact that you are being brainwashed. 

The fact is that you are becoming exactly what you believe I am helping to NOT be, which is a follower. You seem to have lost all rudimentary and all basic, fundamental understanding of who we are as people, losing touch with humanity, hating all who are different. You refuse to acknowledge the similarities between you and others who may choose to live in other walks of life, or worse, hating everyone who isn't publicly practicing your chosen belief system...

You believe you are standing up for what you are passionate about, but you are not, you are defending a pile of lies that you've been sold on. Can't you see what's happened? By trusting me that it was in your best interest to wake up and NOT be a sheep, a cult member, or a slave anymore, you've become MY sheep, MY cult member, MY slave! I am the pimp, and you are my bitch!

At the Intersection of Perspective & Perception: Things Aren't Always Clear

What we see in our own eyes... 

We have little or no reason to doubt. There is no thought of placing question on the validity or our view. Barring of course, some neuro-scientific issue with regard to hallucinations.
We have all seen something or at the very least, thought that we did, it may have been off in the distance. We did not question it, as it appeared to fit the rest of the scene or simply make sense in the moment. Yet as we moved in closer our sights adjusted and we came to realize that it wasn't what we had thought it was at all. 

Do you ever wonder if these things are more than bad eyesight? Perhaps a warped insight? Is your twisted brain feeding your mind's eye? Is it possible for the objects themselves to morph as we get closer or farther away to or from them?

If a tree falls in the woods and nobody is around to hear it does it make a sound? Of course it does, if it makes a sound in front of me it will make a sound when I am not there. How ridiculous, or even arrogant a thought is it that a human needs to be around to witness an event in order to acknowledge that it ever happened? Yet that is our arrogant nature. We are so simple at times we don't consider any species but our own when we scratch our heads with such absurd wonder.

Perspective is our view, the actual angle or vantage point that we see things from. Perception is how our mind translates that view to us. Think about this concept and sight specific instances when you were seeing a far different picture than others or that the final outcome. Now how extreme was the case? For me, the differences between my perception and reality have been radically disconnected, dangerous at times, perhaps even deadly. I realized my mind was trying to kill me when I was about seven years old. I didn't know how to harness it, I didn't know how to protect myself from it. I've spent a lifetime learning, and today I've taught myself how to live with it. I've addressed the depths of my innermost wildly vivid, yet unorthodox imagination, I've pretty much come to embrace it. I am convinced that this is my mind, someday it may be what defines me, nonetheless, it will remain with me for the long haul.

Discovering that my perspective differs greatly from my perception, I have also found that I actually have a level of control within the situation. Not in changing it, but in changing how I see it. The more I know, the more likely I will make an informed decision in what I might do. So changing my stance or vantage point, is like adding perspectives. Looking at things more openly, widening my lens helps me to obtain a much more open perception. For me, a variety of angles are needed prior to coming up with a definitive solution to potential obstacles or issues which may present themselves along the way for me. In my experience, to effectively plan something can be very difficult. I am overwhelmed with the infinite combinations of variables. There is uncertainty and clarity needed, especially when there is someone else reliant upon my direction. I need to step back, climb higher, familiarize myself with the terrain, and remain agile in my mind and on my feet when these variables do arise to potentially push me off course. When any one of my five senses are incorporated with the perspectives that I allow, processing becomes easier. I feel more confident in my responses, reactions, and intuitively knowing my next steps. 

There were days when my decisions were made with reckless abandon. I placed no thought in long term effects or damage. Things were chaotic, but since I never faced anything, that was just fine with me. Throwing caution to the wind creates great anxiety to me today. I feel that learning how to recognize the difference between my perspective and perception, has helped me to explain why things are not always as they seem for me. I also believe that if I have something specific on my mind, whether it be consciously or subconsciously, the image created for my perception can often be a result of just that. I have a tendency to believe the lies that I tell myself. Therefor it is very important to check myself, my motivation, and my state of mind before believing what I think that I see. 

Should I someday decide to "let go" so that I may simply "accept" that life just "is what it is" and ignore my need to pursue other viewpoints, I wonder and worry about how dangerous things might actually become for me. I have this fear that if I submit I will die. I'm terrified of what the challenges my mind is presenting me. Perhaps one day I look out and believe that I see a long road ahead when in reality it's the edge of a high cliff that I am about to drive off of? 

An example of how my mind is playing tricks on me is illustrated here while I was walking to an important appointment at a local place that I'd never been to. I could see it up ahead, only about 1000 feet away. Although I could barely make out the dog sitting on the front porch, I was comforted in knowing they had a dog at this place. My vantage point was too far to see clearly enough to be able to recognize what breed the dog might be. As I got closer to it, I noticed it's behavior, it was not moving, the image still rather fuzzy. I suddenly felt somewhat puzzled and even a bit frightened. Immediately my thought process and inner dialogue goes to, "Why isn't this dog moving? Surely he can see me coming at this point, is he blind? But wait he would be able to hear me, unless he is deaf too. Wow, this old deaf blind dog sure sits pretty rigid at his age and deteriorated condition. Oh that's stupid, this dog is not deaf, blind, or old, he's studying my movements." 

I was increasingly frightened at this point because I was approaching a dog that wasn't barking or moving or wagging it's tail. "A dog that isn't moving must be ready to attack. This dog was getting ready to maul me". 

I wanted to whistle or call out to it, but was afraid that it would come running at me. As I continued to get closer, my other senses kicked in, I know what it's like to live with dogs, I did not smell dog shit, or notice anything in the area that reminded me of having dogs in the past. The lawn wasn't patchy or stained. I listened carefully, and thought to myself, "This dog is so still, it's not even growling". I stepped to the right about 8 or 10 feet and continued to watch the dog, his head did not turn I squinted and adjusted my glasses, but I was still too far to identify what this beast on the porch was up to. When it registered to my logical mind that which I had already identified... This dog did not follow me with it's head when I stepped off to the right. It was not even staring at me, I began to feel safer yet more confused, questioning whether I was even looking at a dog. Nothing was making sense anymore.

I brought myself forward, closer to the porch, the dog suddenly disappeared from my thoughts. Understanding my own mind, not unlike the Matrix... I realized that once my perception made no sense, my brain sent emergency calls to my other senses ordering a full investigation of the matter. Suddenly mind went blank. It was if my signals had gotten jammed and my mental website had crashed. Following a quick mental reboot, my brain had re-engaged as it was wired to. It was now impossible for my mind to be able to manufacture an image of a dog. I am close enough now, everything comes into focus at once, within an instant I could see clearly that it was not a dog at all I had been fixated on, but a potted plant. 

A sense of horror came over me, "What the hell is wrong with me? How could I believe that I see something so clearly yet so absolutely and radically far from reality?" Then the thought came to mind, "I love dogs, perhaps I was feeling apprehensive about going to this place upon arrival, and my mind's eye projected an image of a dog to lure me closer...? Regardless, of the why, I made it closer to the porch." I needed to rest and analyze the thousand foot journey. "Was it the angle I approached the situation from? Was it my eyesight? Could it just be the distance that I was originally viewing the plant from? Or had there actually been a dog on the front porch when I got there, that turned itself into a potted plant right before my eyes?" The truth is it doesn't matter at all. My brain and my mind joined forces and worked together when I needed it most. There is no reason for me not to trust my own mind, everything works properly, it's the thinking that is going to take me down!

Things in my mind no longer seem to make sense. Maybe we really ARE living in a virtual reality, maybe there is a Matrix, maybe I see only what my mind and my programming allow, and occasionally some free range thoughts creep in, perhaps they are fragments and remnants of that which was conducive to the survival of the previous inhabitants of this vessel? Could it be true? Am I exactly where I am supposed to be right here, right now, present in this very moment, right down to this very breath?

Friends with Benefits?

Can we really have this sort of relationship, and not have feelings for one another?

I don't think so, personally. 

Human beings are full of fear, doubt, and insecurity.

Someone almost always inevitably gets hurt. 

Most women and many men just don't have the ability to fuck without feelings.

Let's say we can't have what we want with who we want, but we can have a small piece of it.

Do we settle for less and take it? Almost always we do and we ride the bus til the wheels fall off. 

Believe me, they DO fall off and the odds are stacked way against us. 

If we are our first choice's second choice we are doomed from the start.

Now let's say you meet someone, you become friends, agree that no relationship is to be established but sex is alright. You are free to see other people...

It's a short matter of time before jealousy, anger, insecurity enter the situation.

A dating scenario breaks off and the sex remains, this almost always leads to some sort of drama.

A situation agreed upon by consenting adults as being solely for friendship and sex, still becomes a matter where at least one participant develops feelings for the other and the hurt feelings begin.

Imagine a basic outline of your needs from a FWB.

Now imagine their outline of needs from you. 

In a perfect world when layered over light, the two images align on several key points if not all and you both live happily ever after. There is no need to be friends with benefits, after all, as the perfect couple has emerged.

Life isn't perfect, and we seem to want insurance, a feeling of security in the form of guarantees that don't exist.

Friends with Benefits is a fear-based appeal for those who aren't ready to let go of one piece of their life to pursue a new or unknown one. 

What is a Human Oxymoron?

If I were a living oxymoron, what would it be like?

I would be an egomaniac with an inferiority complex. I would appear tough, strong, in control, calm, cool, and collected, but inside I'd be crippled with fear, doubt, and insecurity. I would find pleasure in pain. I would treat the loneliness of depression with isolation. I would keep people at arms length yet become saddened that no one ever gets close to me.  I would appear to be independent, yet be co-dependent to an extreme, only secure when taking care of someone else's troubles. I would want to be recognized, but not want to be watched. When I am right, all should take note, when I am wrong, all would take cover. I would hate my parents, yet desperately seek their approval. I'd be disgusted by the opposite sex, but yearning for that companionship. I would trust no one, but tell everyone everything about me. I would be Bi Polar, Bi Sexual, Ambidextrous, Passive Aggressive, Serene and Chaotic, Anti Social, overworked, underpaid, an Addict, a Gambler, a Compulsive Blogger. Any substance or action or lifestyle that could take the ME out of me, I would become addicted to, chasing all feelings of relief or pleasure as though it were a quest for the meaning of life.

Every single part of my life would be extreme in one way or another. Everything or nothing, perfection or immediate dismissal, I would be overqualified and still underachieve, my thermostat would be off or on high, the volume would be off or on max, I'd take hot showers, drink cold coffee, sleep during the day, stay up all night, read books and directions backwards, I would under-mind my GPS, make lists but don't use them, my best intentions would yield the worst results. I would detest rules, break laws, resist management, defy government, oppose religion, shun politics, and nix the like. I would challenge any so-called experts. I would adamantly refuse conform, as it would mean becoming a sheep or a slave to today's society and agendas.

If you are wired like me, you'll understand, and if you can admit to that much, you are honest enough to be my friend.