Ode to My Disease

To My Disease,

Everyday you held me down and beat me into submission. You lied to me in my own voice, you crippled me with fear, you told me I was less than, that I would never be good enough, that people don't want me, that I was not worthy of any love. You infested my body for so long that I became unaware of who and what I was truly meant to be. You forced me to obsess and stew miserably over the hurtful words of others for an entire lifetime. You have pulled me away from people and thwarted all of my efforts toward intimacy and love. You polluted my thoughts and systematically began killing me when I was just a young child. You kept me emotionally separated from my parents and from others. You taught me not to trust anyone, you skewed my vision, allowing me to see only the dark and the negative. You convinced me that it was my fault when I was being hurt, that I deserved it.

Then when the time was right, you befriended and tricked me, you cashed in on my inadequacies. You convinced me that poisoning my body and my mind would help allow me to fit in with the world. That poison fed you, it made you grow more powerful inside of me, you told me that as long as we had each other, we didn't need to be loved. People would try to come between us, and we would have to protect our relationship. Perfecting our ability to lie, cheat, rob, manipulate, assault, or attack anyone who might try to stop us, because they were only trying to hurt us, after all, nobody was to be trusted. You assured me that we were partners in crime, outsiders were not welcome, we were sick enough to kill if it came down to it, so the world should fear us, that we would someday be famous for the horrific things we did. 

Like a demon, you had a hold on my entire existence. You controlled my will, you molded me into want what you wanted, an empty shell. Perhaps if you were to successfully gain possession my soul, upon my demise, you would inhabit the vessel by which you shall carry out your evil plot to sneak into heaven. God had a different plan.

Whether I chose to admit it or not, He had been there all along. 

The miracle happened, and you were arrested. Like a criminal, your liberties were removed, every day you've gone before the parole board, every day you have remained under arrest.

Today I shall not feed you.

Today I shall not fear you.

Today I shall not aid you.

Today I shall be grateful, for it was you, my disease, which ultimately brought me closer to my Higher Power.